Galatians 6:2- Bear ye one another’s burdens, and so fulfil the law of Christ.
While in attendance at a gathering a person was complaining non-stop about all the things wrong in her life. Going on and on, that we thought she’d never stop! We couldn’t understand the negativity with this individual- her life looked as if it were a “bed of roses” along with feel-good scenarios laced in at once.
Eventually she did stop, and we went on to speak about other issues. But I couldn’t help but notice the sadness in the person who was lamenting for ten minutes straight. But she came to an abrupt halt, as if embarrassed and then nothing but silence from her during the entire gathering.
I leaned towards her and asked “is there anything I could help you with? Seems like there is something weighing heavily on your mind and heart.” It was as if a light went off as she nodded and smiled.
We went off to a little corner outdoors, and she began to tell me that her husband was very controlling, and emotionally abusive, and at times – he pulled her hair. But she was quick to say, “only a couple of times he pulled my hair.” He also cheated on her. And on top of all of this – she was upset to find out her youngest son smacked his girlfriend around a couple of times.
I was overwhelmed and saddened by what this poor lady was going through and felt awful that the others were rolling their eyes at her complaints. I must confess – I too was wondering why she was murmuring so much, but I felt the spirit within me saying, something is wrong here. More than meets the eye.
After a very long detailed talk I gave her a number to call. There was a person who was experienced with “trauma at homes” and she was an expert at helping woman with the exact kind of situation “Sherry” was going through. I also said, “Do you know Christ?” And although she did, she said sadly that she didn’t know Him well, or the Bible. I had an extra Bible in my car, for such times. And I gave it to her. “Read it! Start with John 3:16 – of how much God loves us. Jesus is the only One who can help you- He will give you the strength and direct your paths.” She took the Bible and hugged me, “thank you” were the last words she said before she walked away.
Weeks after that encounter – “Sherry” reached out to thank me. Her life was getting on track. She excitedly explained that she opened her Bible as I’d suggested and read John 3:16 – Then read the entire Gospel of John and was reading the epistles of John at the moment. She gave testimony of how different she felt almost immediately when she cried out to God that night, after our initial meeting. She said – the counselor helped her- but God was the One that really was helping. She started to cry, “Thank you for helping me…thank you!”
This story is inspiring and had a good outcome. Sadly, not all stories end happy or hopeful. We as Christians need to “tune in” to others and see past the fluff and stuff that sometimes go hand-in-hand pertaining to people and what they’re actually saying.
There is a difference from “the verbal voice” versus the “inner true voice.” The outer appearance sometimes will mask the inner appearance, and I am talking about one’s soul!
I have no doubt that “Sherry” will gain even more introspection and courage as she gets into the Word and continues seeing the woman expert in domestic abuse and emotional abuse. But – God will do the majority of “healing” for her heart and soul. “Sherry” was willing to do the work-God will do the rest.
Have you ever been around someone who is complaining and think -gee I wish they’d just be quiet?
On the other side of the spectrum, have you ever heard someone going on and on about what a great life they have-and you want them to be quiet?
Truth is – both scenarios can be masked by the true voice of their soul. Overcompensating can be a sign of inner sadness too. This is where we come in as Christians and look to God for strength, wisdom and answers.
Speak to them – ask with sincerity “what’s really happening here?” Then seek the person and talk with them. God wants us to help others. Sometimes it’s not just “physical sickness” that hurts. Emotional pain is awful too! It can tear up a person and chew them up in the process. There is never any excuse for anyone to be abused in any way – emotionally or physically. And there is never a good reason for a husband to pull hair.
Sadly, abused individuals always think it’s their fault and make excuses. This happens all the time. But help is available. Especially when we reach out to them. Give them the tools and provide loving Christian counsel.
Ecclesiastes 4:9-10: “Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up.”
Reach out to them. Help them seek God. Offer a friendly tone or ear and see where God leads you. He will always guide your paths when you ask for His help.
“Sherry” is happier these days, and it shows. Her husband is also attending classes about anger issues, along with her son. So, there is so much hope for this family going forward. Amen.
What about the others out there? Do you know any “Sherry’s?” If so, have you helped? If not – why not?
“Dear God, thank You for Your input and wisdom, for imparting the words and actions in order to help Your children, may I be Your vessel and servant all the days of my life, in Jesus’ name, Amen.”
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Emotional abuse can include verbal assault, dominance, control, isolation, ridicule, or the use of intimate knowledge for degradation (Follingstad, Coyne, & Gambone, 2005). It targets the emotional and psychological well-being of the victim, and it is often a precursor to physical abuse. There is a high correlation between physical abuse and emotional abuse in batterer populations (Gondolf, Heckert, & Kimmel, 2002), and verbal abuse early in a relationship predicts subsequent physical spousal abuse (Schumacher & Leonard, 2005).
If you suspect or know anyone who is going through an abusive relationship – please reach out to them. Let them know there is always help available for them.
National Domestic Violence Hotline | The Administration for Children and Families (hhs.gov)
